The Goddess of never not broken.
In a yoga class by the strongest Goddess I know, Brittany, who beat the crap out of stage 4 cancer, read an excerpt about this Goddess from Hindu mythology; Akhilandeshvari.
She leapt at me like a slap in the face and I started crying in class, then in the bathroom right after. I cried in the car on the way home and even more that night. There was just something about the strength in being broken I had never felt I could access. What a dramatic shift in the way I will forever think and act. Her story is tremendous and... she rides a crocodile!
Akhilandeshvari:“Ishvari” in Sanskrit means "goddess” or "female power" and the “Akhilanda” means “never not broken.”
This isn’t the kind of broken that indicates weakness, oh no, that's taught to us growing up.
It’s the kind of broken that shreds the stuff that gets us stuck in toxic routines, repeating the same relationships and habits over and over, rather than diving into the scary place of trying something new.
She actually derives her power from being broken (lightbulb)! Always in flux, pulling herself apart, living in different, constant selves at the same time, from never becoming a whole has limitations.
Now that you've been broken you get to make a choice. In pieces, in a pile on the floor, with no idea how to go forward, your expectations of the future are meaningless. Your stories about the past do not apply. You are in flux, you are changing, you are flowing in a new direction down the river of life with an incredibly powerful opportunity to become new again; to choose how you want to put yourself back together. Confusion can be an incredible teacher—how could you have ever learned if you already had it all figured out?
This goddess' ride is so much a part of the story, the crocodile.
Crocodiles are fascinating. The crocodile represents our reptilian brain, which is where we feel fear. Secondly, the predatory power of a crocodile is not located in their huge jaws, but rather that they pluck their prey from the banks of the river, take it into the water, and croc spin it until it is disoriented. They whirl their prey using the power of spin rather than brute force to feed themselves.
By riding on this whirling, fearsome, predatory creature, Akhilanda refuses to reject her fear, nor does she let it control her. She rides on it. She gets on this animal that lives in the river, inside the flow. She takes her fear down to the river and uses its power to navigate the waves of life, and makes her way down the never not broken water.
So, this feeling of confusion and brokenness that every human has felt at some time or another in our lives is a source of beauty and color and new possibilities with each piece we choose to pick up from the pile.
If everything was the same, if we walked the same path down to the river every day until we wore a groove there, this routine would become so limited and toxic that, well, the crocs would catch on and we’d get plucked from the banks, spun and consumed.
So now, this time of confusion and brokenness and fear and sadness, to get up on that fear, ride it down to the river, dip into the waves, and let yourself break. Become your own multi faceted prism.
All the places where you’ve scattered on the floor can now reflect light and color where there was once darkness or confusion. Now is the time to become someone new and try something scary and awkward. Be mindful because even that new whole, that new, colourful, amazing groove that we create is an illusion. It means nothing unless we can keep on breaking apart and putting ourselves together again as many times as we need to.
We are already “never not broken.” We were never a consistent, limited whole. In our brokenness, we are unlimited. Namaste~